First blog post

This is the post excerpt.


I have been meaning to start a blog for about a year and a half now, goes to show what a good procrastinator I am, doing this now. I have given myself all manners of excuses all this time about why i couldn’t start knowing well am only lying to myself; sad really.

This blog will basically be about everything and nothing, the title directly translates to the jumbled thoughts in my head. I will have to warn you though, am not a good writer, I have episodes of amazing pieces and sometimes I wonder why I bother trying to write at all. So buckle up, its bound to be bumpy ride.

To sum it all up, this  will be an exercise to: improve my writing, stay committed and  consistent , and also unload some of the weirdness that goes on in my head. I have to say, writing this first post in itself is a win. Yay me!!!

Thank you for reading.



The first instinct is usually to run as far as you can. When things go wrong, when the people in your life fall on hard times or get sick, when those people or you are stuck in negative vicious cycles and you think you have done everything in your power to help but the situation seems to worsen; the first instinct is to run. It could be deserting that person, it could be giving up on them or even lashing out in frustration. It could be pushing whatever unpleasant thoughts and issues to the back of your head to avoid dealing with them . If you’re avoiding it in anyway, you’re running. How far will you run though?

From experience, the thought of staying, fighting and dealing is scary, its unfathomable. You don’t know how long the fight will be. There is no guarantee it will turn out well. You don’t know if you can handle the pain. You don’t want to go through the unpleasantnesses, so you opt for the easiest decision; you quit.

A day or week or month later, the unpleasantnesses surfaces stronger than before. You see, you cannot keep running. You need to deal with this. But as before you don’t have the courage to sort it out. You summon all mental effort and shut it down again.

Shut it down, shut it down and shut it down. For how long? It comes back stronger each time and you know it, so the tiny rational part says grow a backbone.

Back bones don’t grow in Coward’s backyards.

Self love my way

Over the years I have heard the term self love, seen the hashtags allover social media when one takes themselves to dinner, an ice cream treat or a Mani pedi, however with all this I never really knew what self love is. So I did what every millennial does; I googled it and among other definitions one by Eric Fromm stood out:

psychologist and social philosopher Erich Fromm, proposed that loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric, meaning that instead caring about oneself and taking responsibility for oneself.

Going with Eric’s definition, I think self love goes deeper.
Self love means loving yourself enough to do whatever is necessary for your well being. It is not only limited to the easy and enjoyable like Mani pedis but could also include;
Taking time to communicate with the people you love, working hard on those relationships that matter to you because let’s face it the relationships we are in be it your siblings, friends or significant others contribute to the quality of life you live.

Digging deep to know who you are and what you stand for; so many of us don’t know who we are, we are mere reflections of the people surrounding us, our likes and dislikes change according to who we are with. Love your self enough to know what you like, its okay if your don’t understand the hype on chocolate. Know what you stand for; if dishonesty irks you, say it. stand tall for the values you have chosen. Love yourself to know who you are.

Choose peace of mind, we find ourselves in situations where the choice that gives you peace is the hardest to make, these are times when we have to make this choice . Contrary to what you think, the world won’t stop rotating on it’s axis. You will be glad you chose you.

Those tasks you have been putting off, go do them. Just to spare yourself the unpleasantness of so many pending tasks. You feel much lighter and happier when you have done all you are meant to do. That sense of accomplishment or achievement is a huge part of loving yourself.

Lastly, love yourself enough to grow. Growth is not an easy process but if you choose to grow to will be much easier than the world forcing you to grow; because at some point it will. So embrace growth, the process is not easy but persevere through it. It will bring you great joy to know you are a better person than you were yesterday.

Self love is not limited to the above, constantly ask yourself if the what you are doing is pro you. For yourself, go through the hard stuff with a smile, you will end in better and much easier place.

Choose you! Love you!


Perfectionist or not?

I have told myself time and again to give up the need to be right all the time and failed each time. I feel like I have earned the right to be right. Why? I don’t know, I just know I like being right, I like winning the arguments even if it costs me relationships every once in a while, I could write a million justifications but let us face it, I just like being right.

Which brings me to this particular topic, perfectionism. I do not know if it can be classified as a disease but it feels like one to me and like all diseases go, it sucks. I often hear “she/he is a perfectionist” being used to describe someone like its a positive things and think to myself “I wish you knew it is not a necessarily nice thing”. Many may wonder why being a perfectionist is not necessarily a nice thing and the following are some of the reasons why I think its not,

  1. It holds you back from pursuing and learning new things. I have had countless opportunities to do and learn new things and I will try them out, only  for  a few times though. If after the third or forth attempt I don’t get  it right, I will quit. Reason being I don’t like not being good at something, If I can’t learn it in a few tries then its not for me. So I expect myself to be perfect and will not participate in an activity am not perfect at, you can guess who is stuck doing old things.
  2. Being a perfectionist has made me judgemental and I don’t like it. I will study something or someone till I find whatever is wrong and then I will pass my judgement. After which I will feel like such a terrible person and chastise myself for being a judgemental bitch, which in turn makes me feel like everyone I meet is judging me from the clothes I wear, the things I say to the people I hang out with. Of course  I try to push all that to the back of my head but  minutes later am at it again.
  3. It has taken the joy out of everyday things, some situations require you to loosen up and have fun, my friends will just do that of course but I will be trying so hard to be perfect I forget how to have fun. At the end of the day everyone is gushing about the fun they had and all I can remember is how the other girl’s hair piece was horrible.
  4. Been the cause of a good number of fights. You know those situations that are really not that serious but you have that one friend that doesn’t seem to gerrit, well am that friend, am looking for perfection so much i forget that somethings are better imperfect. This pisses my friends off so much hence arguments and fight we could have avoided had I not such a perfectionist.
  5. One of the reasons am a procrastinator is perfectionism. Am always waiting for the perfect time, circumstance,head space, person,skills etc to do a project or task. Do I know there is no such thing as perfect head space? I do but I continue waiting for the perfect time anyway.

The above are not the only reasons why being a perfectionist sucks, I will bring up many more as we go on with the blog.

However, i would like to say that being a perfectionist is no way to live a life because almost everything in this wide world is imperfect but that doesn’t take the beauty from it. If perfectionism has taken some of the fun out of your life, comment and let me know how you handle it.